Forgetting and Relearning
by Wallwalker
Summary: [Symmetrina] [Rena/Dias/Claude] Trust didn't come easily for Dias anymore.


_1\. Apology_

Rena begged me not to leave.

I will never forget the tears in her eyes as she stood in my path, or the way her fists clenched with anger. She couldn't just _let_ me leave, as the Elder had done. She and her mother had just helped me bury my parents and my sister. She had lost one best friend, she'd said, and she couldn't stand the thought of losing me too.

If I had hesitated, I would've stayed, not trusting myself again to protect those I loved. Never again.

I told her I was sorry as I walked away.

* * *

 _2\. Alone_

The road wasn't as empty as you would've liked. It was a rare day when you met no one.

Sometimes you even travelled with others; often you had nothing but your sword and your clothes, and sometimes it was worth accepting a small job in order to buy something to eat. Somehow they were willing to trust you to guard their goods, or to assure their safety. You were surprised they had not already been robbed. (Perhaps your reputation was beginning to precede you, even then.)

But even when you traveled with others, you were alone. You walked to the side, one hand on your sword, and you saw your family's corpses when you cut down the bandits and thugs that threatened them, filling you with the same cold rage that drove you away.

Their money keeps you well-fed and warm, but never thaws the icy anger in your heart.

* * *

 _3\. Payment_

Dias never felt safe with a roof over his head. Mostly he slept outside of town, only a sheet of thick canvas between him and the elements. He could hear highwaymen and thieves as they approached, and he knew that the few who had survived would spread the word that he was not to be challenged.

Still, there were times when he had to seek out more durable shelter. Sometimes the snow was too deep, or rain would fall that froze into slippery ice. There were always people willing to take in a stranger on El. Their trust was too easily given.

His one rule was to never sleep anywhere that would not accept some form of payment, either in the form of coin or for some manner of work. His insistence offended some of the people who offered him shelter, but he cared little for their anger. The payment was for their sake as well as his; he could not trust the kindness of anyone who would not accept any payment in return.

Even when they offered him a bed, he would sleep on the floor. Comfort was a trap he couldn't fall into. He could never go soft.

* * *

 _4\. Barriers_

When Rena and Dias had been children, they'd played a game. Dias would build a fort with everything that he could find - sticks, pillows, anything that he could find. And when he was done, Rena would come in and knock the fort down. Sometimes, when he had managed to find something particularly sturdy, it would take a while for her to do it, but Rena was nothing if not tenacious, and she would always find a way to reach him. They would always laugh, playing and hitting each other with pillows or throwing tufts of grass or leaves at each other.

They had stopped playing the game as they grew older, but Rena could still break through his barriers.

She would have followed him anyway, he'd told herself. Such a headstrong girl... she had always been the one to come to him, pulling him out of his bad moods and dragging him to the forest to play. And now she was older and stronger, her attention to her training evident in her stance and her movements. She had pushed herself in his absence... or was it because of his absence?

It might've been nice to stay with her, to have someone he could trust to watch his back. But he had left her because he had been too weak; if he could not protect his family, how could he hope to protect her?

She'd be better off without him, he thought as he left her behind with her friends.

* * *

 _5\. Limit_

In the end, Rena had been too much for him.

He had tried to push her away at the front lines. He had thought that he'd said the right things, telling her to stay with Claude and keep him safe. Claude was a strange one; Dias could travel fifty years and never meet his like. How could anyone be so guileless and trusting, and still prosper and fight as well as he could? But Rena cared for him, and he had thought... no, he had known he was capable of keeping Rena safe. He could trust the boy with that.

But Rena had not let him walk away. And when she told him she needed him, he remembered their confrontation as he had left Arlia, remembered the determination in her eyes. Only this time, he could see she would not take no for an answer, and she would not accept his apology.

Part of him had known he couldn't hold out against Rena forever. But he hadn't realized that this battle would be his breaking point.

(He'd thought that Claude would be angry, but instead he'd smiled, happy to have a rival warrior fighting beside him. A strange one, indeed.)

* * *

 _6\. Strategy_

When you were alone, you were unstoppable. You knew your strengths, and took risks that others would consider foolhardy. After all, it was only _your_ life you were risking.

Fighting beside others is different. You have to be aware of where both your allies and your enemies are, and you cannot use your full strength for fear that you will harm them. It has been so long since you've fought with anyone you wanted to protect - you are no longer certain that you even cared to protect yourself when you were alone. You fear you are utterly incapable.

But Claude always helps you when you stumble, and Rena heals your wounds when you cannot avoid the strikes. They are both patient, including you when they talk about strategies, asking for your opinion.

You know they have your back. And you're starting to believe that the change is worth it.

* * *

 _7\. Believe_

"Are you okay, Dias?"

"Hm." I turned, saw Claude and Rena behind me. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well," Claude answered, "you look nervous too."

"We _should_ be wary, if the Mayor is right about their strength."

"We'll be fine," Rena answered. "We'll just have to watch out for each other."

"Right," Claude said, grinning. "I know we can do this!"

I turned away, and they walked up to stand beside me, watching the waves.

"We'll win tomorrow," Rena said after a while, quietly. "Trust us."

I nodded. For the first time in a forever, I honestly believed that I could.


End file.
